I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
