Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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