Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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