We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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