I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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