listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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