i think my tv is drunk
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
