I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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