I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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