she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
