Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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