He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
