I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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