Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
