a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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