i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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