Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
