Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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