So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
