so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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