I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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