the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have feelings that need drinking.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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