this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
