I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
