Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All I want is dick and wine.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
