evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
