apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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