i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This is the high leading the old right now
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
