I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
