You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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