As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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