hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
