The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
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I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
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Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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