it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
