he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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