At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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