i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
