we have pet lesbian snakes
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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