i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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