Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
