Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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