god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
