the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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