can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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