I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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