His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
