it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
