im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
