It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
