At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
