Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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