I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
