you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
