My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
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It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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