Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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