it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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