Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
