Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The best revenge is premature balding
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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