I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
