aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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