did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
