took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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