Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The adults are the big ones right?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
