i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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