why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
