Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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