well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
